Why you should use this time to take pictures with your daughter

I have a 14-year-old daughter.

(For those who do not know me.)

(For those who do know me, remember her?)

There was a time in my life when she was the only thing. All that mattered. Circumstances left us together — just the two of us. I raised her alone from 2–8.

Then I met a woman who I would eventually consider my wife. She moved in with her son after a year of knowing each other and things went — for the most part — well. Now we are as close as I will probably ever get to married. We’ve added a son to this mix and he is 5. We own a home on five acres in the country.

(The above paragraph is likely the primary cause of the paragraph below, but the natural passing of time, beginning of the teenage years and contemplation of womanhood also play a role.)

My daughter and I are not as close as we were in “those” days.

There — I said it. The sad reality I contemplate on lonely drives home from a far-off work destination … the truth that crosses my mind every night and sometimes keeps me awake.

I was a different parent back then.

I have shifted from “all you have to do is love them” to “it’s my job to turn this little person into a productive member of society.” I look at myself and how I have learned a multitude of trades in order to pay the bills … I can clean, I can cook, I can write, I can lead, I can present, I can plant, I can landscape, I can … do anything I need to do to make things happen at our house.

My daughter? She shows no interest in learning not only any of these things, but anything in general.

This has driven me insane. I want her to have a passion or at least something that could become a passion.

Things are getting a bit concerning when it comes to COVID-19. This is not going to be something that’s over in a few weeks, a month or even a couple of months. There’s talk of inability to buy food. Gas stations closing. Jobs being lost — which has already happened in some cases. I worry most about health matters, as I am in the “high risk” category should I contract this due to a medical condition. Worse would be trouble obtaining my medical supplies.

So I’m not paranoid about it — I try not to dwell in my mind — but I would be dangerously naïve to not consider the tragic possibilities here.

I’m embarrassed to say it’s taking contemplating my own death to drive me to action when it comes to doing something I’ve always wanted to do.

My daughter is learning how to take photos from me. We’re very early with this and her curriculum so far has been me dispatching her with an SLR on full auto, seeing what she captured and discussing what she was envisioning when she took the shot.

I explained to her depth of field, shutter speed and ISO. I told her a flash is only good for subjects within 20 feet. I shared my experiences learning photography — when I could only take 24 or 36 shots and wait three days to see what I got. The next time I send her out, I will go with her and introduce her to manual settings on the camera so she can use this understanding to help her capture what she envisions when she takes the shot.

Every exposure is a pearl.

As I have stated, this is something I’ve wanted to do for years. I’ve intended to do it — I really have. I just haven’t made it that far on my to-do list.

And you know what? It wasn’t as cumbersome as I thought it would be. She wasn’t distracted by her phone. She wasn’t thinking about her friends. She’d spent a week away from them, at home, and this was all we had to do.

What do you have on your parenting to-do list that distractions have prevented? This may be an excellent time to do them.

I’m not foolish enough to think this will make up for the years of feeling like I’ve lost touch with my daughter, but it can be a good beginning. She told me the other day, and I quote: “You know, I really do enjoy talking to you. You’re like the only one who understands my sense of humor. I think it’s because you have it too.” So there is hope.

Just don’t think you’ve ever reached a point where you can’t mend a relationship. It may never be like it could have been had you not faced challenges, but who knows … sometimes something that’s been repaired ends up stronger than before it was broken.